


It's Always Been You

by StackerPentecost



Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Gratuitous Smut, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 02:52:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17113058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StackerPentecost/pseuds/StackerPentecost
Summary: Frank walks in on something he didn't expect and he has trouble letting it go.





	It's Always Been You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frankiebaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankiebaby/gifts).



His boots echoed through the empty hall, his head ducked beneath the hood of his sweatshirt. He hadn’t seen Karen in just over two weeks and he needed to remedy that. He always feared the worst when he stayed away for too long but he also reasoned that it was better this way, safer for her. 

He stepped up to the worn door to her apartment, inhaling a quick breath before lifting his hand to knock. He waited patiently for a response, turning himself away as people passed him by. It was then he heard his name being called softly, Karen’s voice unmistakable. He responded with an affirmative and reached to let himself in. 

Karen’s apartment was small but cozy. She had an eye for decoration in a way that reminded him of Maria. He peered around, having expected to see Karen, but found her nowhere, which was odd as she always came to greet him. He was about to call out again when he heard his name once more. 

“Frank…”

It was said like a sigh, breathless and slow. Frank found that strange and moved toward the sound, intent on investigating. 

In hindsight, he should have known from the sound of her voice what was going on, but he hadn’t allowed himself to consider the possibility. 

He found the bedroom door slightly ajar and before he could push it open, a soft sound came from behind it. Frank swallowed, feeling his heart beat faster. Then it came again, louder this time, thick with desire. Karen’s voice came out clear this time. 

“Frank!”

His body reacted immediately, a spike of arousal jabbing his gut, practically knocking the air out of his lungs. It had been so long since he’d felt anything even remotely this strong, so long that he’d almost been ready to write off having this feeling again in his life. 

“Fuck, Frank, right there…” 

He knew he needed to get out of there. The logical part of his brain was screaming for him to move, to stop being such a goddamn creep. But it was  _ his  _ name she was moaning, not anybody else’s. He’d thought about hearing this enough times that he couldn’t make himself walk away. 

Karen let out a whimper then and he swore he felt like his knees were going to buckle. This woman was going to tear him to pieces and he hadn’t even gotten a look at her. He bit down hard on his lip to try and get himself to focus but even that could not deter him from quietly pushing the door a few inches forward so he could see inside. 

She was a wonderful sight. Bathed in the dim light from the bedside lap, she was spread out on the bed, as bare as the day she was born, her pale skin flushed a lovely shade of pink. Her eyes were closed, brow furrowed in concentration, her long blonde hair spilling out onto the pillows around her like the halo that she deserved. Her lips were parted in a soft ‘o’ shape and every now and then licked them or bit them, both sights Frank enjoyed. Her nipples were hard peaks as her hands worked between her legs, which were spread to give her enough room. It also gave Frank a rather unobstructed view. 

The first thing he noticed was that she had a small patch of blonde at the top of her and that she must have been incredibly turned on, her folds shining wet in the light. He clenched his jaw, the urge to have his mouth on her almost enough to make him groan. He watched as she steadily pumped a toy inside herself, the device itself making a soft humming noise as it spread her open. Her other hand worked over her clit, which he imagined had to be swollen and aching by now. And she continued to moan his name, again and again almost in time with her motions. 

Frank didn’t know what to do with himself. He ached all over in such an overwhelming way, he felt like he was going to lose his goddamn mind. His throat was dry, his lungs burned and his heart was pounding. He felt like a damn teenager about to cream his pants because of a pretty girl. 

He realized then how close she was. Her moans came faster and her voice grew higher, more desperate, along with each thrust of the toy. Her hips met every single one, grinding into the stimulation. He watched as she twisted the toy and cried out, her whole body shaking as she tipped over the edge. And again, even while her thighs quivered and she lost her rhythm, she managed to call out one coherent word, “Frank!”

That was the last thing he saw before he bolted out the door, heading so fast down the stairs of the apartment building that he almost tripped. 

When he got back to his own place, he felt like his skin was on fire, every bit of him itching to get out of his clothes. So he did just that, peeling off one article of clothing at a time as he made his way toward the bedroom. By the time he hit the bed, he was naked. The cool sheets felt good on his skin and he quickly buried his face in the pillows. His fists gripped the blankets as he tried to calm his breathing and relax. But it was like every molecule in his body had jumped into overdrive. His cock was painfully hard, pressed against the bed and his belly. He felt so damn guilty but he couldn’t just ignore it, especially when it had been months upon months since he’d been aroused like this. Part of him didn’t want to waste the opportunity. 

He felt like a teenager yet again and a bit of shame colored his vision along with the guilt but he pushed it aside, needing to get off too badly to care. He settled for grinding his hips against the mattress, too pent up to use enough brain power to go with another method. The bed creaked beneath him, but it barely registered in his mind, he was too far gone already. 

The only thing he could focus on while he moved, pursuing that inevitable end, was her. Karen’s form took over his mind’s eye, from her smile to her laugh to how soft her skin was and how good she smelled to imagining what it would feel like to have her in every way that he wanted. He was leaking within minutes and it didn’t take much after that. He shuddered, biting down on a pillow to muffle the sound of his orgasm. The feeling was strong enough that his knees gave out and he sprawled out on the bed, too numb to care about the fact that he was lying in his own mess. 

For the first time in many nights, Frank fell asleep and wasn’t woken up by the ugliness inside his head, remaining deeply asleep until the sun peeked through the curtains. 

When he finally managed to be pulled awake, it was a few moments before he could convince himself to move. It was entirely odd for him to sleep this late, but he figured he could let it slide this time. He wasn’t working that day either, having a day off from the gig he’d gotten as a construction worker. What could be said? Frank Castle was a creature of habit. 

He needed a shower and as he got up, realized he would also need to change the sheets. His head felt like it was buzzing just a little as he stepped into the bathroom and turned on the water in the shower. Still, as he stepped under the spray, he noted that he felt less tension in his muscles and his sleep had been nightmare free for the first time since he’d lost everything. Nonetheless, his skin itched in that sort of way it had last night. It didn’t help that what he’d seen kept playing on a loop in his head, so vivid, as though he was standing in Karen’s apartment again. He felt more guilt with it this time, but that didn’t seem to keep his body from reacting the way it had before. Which how he found himself with a hand on his dick instead of cleaning up. He leaned against the wall of the shower, thrusting shallowly as the water hit his back. It wasn’t as satisfying as before, but it served its purpose. 

When he stepped out, he quietly dressed and then changed the sheets on the bed before going into the kitchen for coffee. It was then that he noticed a text on his phone. Only one person ever communicated with him anymore. He ran a hand through his hair as he opened it. 

_ Where were you last night? You said you were going to stop after work. I got worried. Are you okay? -K _

Shit. He’d forgotten that he’d made a promise to go over, that she’d been expecting him, albeit probably later than when he’d been there. Next time, he scolded himself mentally, don’t go over if you get out of work early, make sure she knows first. Maybe then he wouldn’t end up invading her privacy like he had. He sighed and slowly responded. 

_ Sorry, work ran late. Didn’t want to bother you. I can come over later, if that will help? -F _

Seeing her again so soon made his chest ache and both shame and a bit of lust creep into his senses but what choice did he have? She didn’t know he’d been there and he couldn’t just avoid her when he’d said otherwise. No, he wasn’t an asshole like that, even if he did want to do that if it meant sparing himself with having to relive what he saw. But that was also selfish. As was keeping this from her in the first place. She deserved to know what he’d done and to deal with it. He didn’t want her to somehow find out later and break whatever trust they had. That was something they never did to each other, they never lied or kept things and he didn’t want to risk losing her over something like this, no matter how awful or embarrassing. He had to fix this. The phone buzzed in his hand. 

_ We can have dinner if you want. Order from that Thai place across town around 7? -K _

He was going to have to face her if he wanted to or not. So he decided to go with it. 

_ Sure. I’ll be there. -F _

Frank stuffed the phone in his pocket and took a long sip of coffee. He was not going to let this mistake ruin his relationship with Karen. He was going to be honest with her, even if it was difficult. He just hoped she’d be able to look past it and forgive him.

* * *

 

He busied himself the whole day, cleaning the apartment from top to bottom and doing any meaningless, mind numbing task he could possibly think of. He knew if he didn’t, his mind would drift back to the night before and he didn’t want to change the sheets for a second time. 

When it came time to leave, he quietly took a few moments to gather himself before he made the trip over to her apartment. He felt an awful sense of deja vu as he knocked and waited for a response. 

This time, the door open and Karen appeared, her hair piled on the top of her head in some sort of messy bun. She was wearing a simple t shirt and shorts and he hated the way the amount of bare skin she was showing appealed to him. She was relaxing after a long day of work and that was it. He didn’t need to make anything more of it. She smiled as soon as she saw him and he couldn’t help the way it sent a wave of warmth coursing through him. 

“Hi. It’s good to see you.” She looked genuinely happy to see him and he knew he’d never get tired of that. Usually people reacted completely the opposite when they saw him, even strangers. 

He reminded himself he was supposed to say something. “Hey,” He managed, though when he did smile, it was a real one. 

She stepped aside and let him in, closing the door. He smelled the takeout immediately and it helped to soothe his nerves a little. She had everything already set out on her little two person dining table. He knew which was his by the scent. And if he liked the fact that she knew him well enough to order for him, well then there was nothing wrong with that. 

He jolted a little when she came up and placed a hand on his arm. She smiled again and he relaxed. “I’m glad you’re here. I really was worried.” When she moved to sit down, he hated that he almost missed the warmth her touch brought. But Frank did the same and sat down. 

“I’m sorry.” He said sincerely after he’d opened the top of his takeout container. The smell made his stomach gurgle. He realized he hadn’t eaten the whole day except for that morning cup of coffee. “I meant to come over, but they asked if I would stay over and I just forgot to say something. You know I would never try to worry you.” He hated lying to her, but he figured his confession could wait until they’d finished eating. 

She nodded. “Of course but you know me. I’ve come to expect the worst.” She stabbed a shrimp with her fork. 

“I know. If it happens again, I’ll make sure to let you know. I don’t want you up all night worrying about me when you don’t need to.” Frank scooped up some noodles and gratefully distracted himself with his food. 

They talked quietly while they ate, mostly about Karen’s work and what she’d been doing. She did ask about him, she always did, and he answered, but she had long since gotten used to his silence. It was never meant to be rude, he just wasn’t a talkative person most of the time. When he wanted to say something, he did, but if he didn’t, he never felt the need to fill the air with small talk. 

When they finished, he helped her clear the mess and put everything away. They ended up on the couch after that, two beers on the coffee table. He was thankful for the alcohol, though it did little to make him feel better about the situation. It didn’t help that it seemed she was even more beautiful than normal, looking happy for the first time since everything with him and then with what had happened after Fisk was released. She deserved that too, she deserved happiness and a peaceful existence. His chest ached when he reminded himself he couldn’t give that to her, not ever. 

“Frank? Are you okay?” Karen had a concerned look on her face, her brows knitted together. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He quickly answered and took a drink of his beer. 

“No, you’re not.” She crossed her arms over her chest, watching him closely now. “This whole night, you’ve been holding something back and it’s bothering you. I thought eventually you’d tell me but you haven’t and you know how I hate bullshit.” 

“I’m not trying to bullshit you.”

“Well you certainly aren’t telling the truth and that’s not how this works.” She set her beer down and looked at him pointedly. 

“Look, what’s bothering me, it’s not as simple as you think it is. If I tell you, and I want to, you deserve that, it’s going to change the way you see me and possibly if you even want to be around me. Not that that isn’t your right, but it’s still not easy for me to say, okay?”

“Whatever it is, just say it. I’ll deal with it. I’m a big girl Frank, I’m not gonna break.”

Frank let out a heavy sigh, running a frustrated hand through his hair. He didn’t want to argue, hated whenever they fought. But she acted like it was so simple. He clenched his jaw and willed his simmering anger to go away, there was no use getting upset with her. Instead he steeled himself for whatever reaction he was going to get from her. 

Taking a deep breath and making sure to look anywhere but at her, he careful said, “I was here yesterday.”

He could practically see the confusion on her face even though he had focused on a spot on the carpet. “No, you weren’t.” 

“I was. I came after work, like I told you. But I got out early. When I came to the door, I heard my name and when I tried the knob, the door opened, so I came in. You didn’t greet me. You were...preoccupied.”

The silence between them felt like it was going to strangle him. She didn’t say a word and he couldn’t bring himself to look at her face. Shame wrapped around him, weighing him down so much he thought he’d sink to the floor. 

“I...I just changed the locks...I uh, I guess I forgot to lock the door when I came in. I was uh, thinking about other things.” Karen’s voice came out soft, like she didn’t know how to feel. She sounded dazed, but she managed to ask, “How much did you see?”

Frank’s hand clenched into a fist at his side, reminding himself to calm the fuck down. But it was difficult, his mind wanting to run right back into what he’d seen and replay it. He couldn’t let himself get sucked into that again. He debated lying once more, but considering how well that had gone for him so far, he decided not to. “I saw...I saw everything.” 

He heard Karen’s breath catch in her throat and he wondered if her heart was pounding as badly as his. “I didn’t mean to,” He knew he had to explain, “I really didn’t. As soon as I heard what was going on, I should’ve left, but I didn’t. And then I went and lied about it. So, I understand if you’re upset or angry or any of that. I deserve it and you deserve better. I invaded your privacy, there’s nothing else to it.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I think I should just go, okay? I uh, I’ve done enough to you. Thanks for dinner.” 

Frank knew he deserved to hear her yell and get angry with him but he also felt like he was going to cause her undue pain by just being here in the same room. So he decided that leaving would be best, for the both of them. 

Before he managed to get to the door, she had followed him. “Frank, wait.” She had a hand on his arm, forcing him to stop. He glanced at her before looking away. Her grip tightened as she quietly asked, “Did you stay because you liked what you were watching or because it was me that you were watching?”

He couldn’t breathe. It was like all the oxygen in the air was gone and he was left without any breath in his lungs. His tongue felt as though it was made of lead and his throat was dry. But he had to answer her, knew she wouldn’t let him leave otherwise. He was a coward though, couldn’t even make himself look her in the eye when he spoke, “Both. But if it had been someone else, I doubt I’d still be thinking about it. And right now, I haven’t stopped.”

Her hand on his cheek, so soft against the roughness of his stubble, made him finally meet her eyes. Frank was sure those blue eyes were going to strike him down and he was going to enjoy every second of it. She stepped closer to him, her thumb brushing across his skin. His heart felt like it had stopped altogether. 

“It’s always you. It’s been you for a long time. I don’t think about anybody else anymore.” Karen’s eyes drifted down to his lips, then back up again. “Did you...did you see…the - my - end?” 

Frank nodded mutely, still trying to process what was going on. 

“That was only the first time. When I think about you, it’s never just once. It’s never enough either. I can’t help but want the real thing. I bet you beat the plastic one,  _ every time. _ ” 

Frank carefully bit his lip, his voice coming out thick and even deeper than usual. “You wanna find out?”

She closed the distance between them and he met her halfway. She let out a soft, pleased sigh when their lips met, her hand leaving his cheek to tangle in his hair. He caught her waist, using one strong arm to press their bodies together. Every bit of it felt right, like he’d been holding his breath his whole life until this moment. He’d thought of kissing her before, had even come close a few times, but nothing compared to the real thing. She was soft and sweet and didn’t shy away from him, her tongue exploring his mouth without hesitation. He felt warm everywhere, like she’d lit some sort of fire in the pit of his stomach that was slowly consuming every bit of him. He needed her, he needed her so bad his whole body ached with the feeling of it. 

When she pulled back, she didn’t go far, nuzzling against his cheek. Her eyes, though half lidded, seemed brighter, not just blue, but like the color of the sky on a clear day in the summer. Her fingers stroked through his hair and she pressed kisses to his cheek and jaw. “We don’t have to…we don’t have to do this.” 

“But you want to.” It was easy to see it in her face and the way she held herself. If he felt it, he could only imagine that she must feel it too. She nodded in agreement, lifting his eyes up to watch his reaction. 

Frank wasn’t good with words, never had been, but he knew this he could manage. “I want this, I want you.” The arm wrapped her waist tightened and pulled her impossibly closer. 

He only released her when she smiled, letting go of him so she could step back and take his hand. He let her lead him across the apartment to her bedroom. Hell, he would’ve let her lead him anywhere. He was sure he’d follow her straight to the ends of the earth if that’s what she wanted. 

His heart beat faster when they entered her room, unable to keep from remembering the night before. If he concentrated, it was like he was seeing her spread out in front of him all over again. She must’ve noticed the look in his eyes. Her hand found his cheek again, her thumb brushing over his lips. “I’m not angry with you. After all, it was my fault I forgot to lock the door and then decided to...ya know, knowing you were supposed to be coming over.” 

“I should’ve left.” Frank still felt like he had invaded a space that hadn’t been meant for him. 

She kissed him again. “I forgive you. If it had been me seeing you, I don’t think I could’ve just walked away either.” Karen climbed onto the bed, making herself comfortable against the pillows. She watched his uncertain expression. “You don’t have to think about this Frank, I promise.” 

That got him moving, kicking off his boots to join her, straddling her waist and covering his body with her own. She liked it, liked the weight of him over her. It made her feel safe, perhaps because whenever she was in danger he had a habit of shielding her with his own person. She tugged him down for more kisses, noticing now that he had begun to relax, his muscles not so tense. She made quick work of the maroon henley he had on, very eager to touch bare skin. 

Her hands sent electricity coursing through him wherever she touched. Frank meanwhile spent time kissing her jaw and over her neck, noticing the little freckles she had dotting her in certain places. She reached to undo the tie in her hair and it fell around her in waves, smelling clean with a hint of something like strawberry. Her skin was starting to flush and it made her look all the more beautiful. 

He paused so she could remove her t shirt and even just seeing this bit of skin sent arousal pooling in his gut. Frank noticed that she seemed a little embarrassed now. He nosed along her jaw, nipping at her ear lobe. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I just...I’m sure you’ve had women with a little more shape to them than me.” 

He blinked in surprise. Karen wasn’t often insecure, even when things were shitty, but he supposed everyone had something about themselves that they didn’t think was good enough. “Please, don’t think that. I’m not thinking about anybody else, I’m thinking about you.” To prove his point, he reached beneath her and unhooked her bra, tossing it off to the side. She was beautiful, every bit of her was, even more so now that he was seeing everything up close. His hands cupped her chest, brushing his thumbs across each peak. Her body jerked in response, hips lifting a bit off the bed. He liked that, liked that she was sensitive. “There isn’t anything about you that I don’t enjoy.” He ducked his head to wrap his mouth around one nipple and she let out a high keening sound, eyes squeezing shut. He let out a groan of his own, muffled against her skin. If he wasn’t hard before, he sure was now. 

He gave each breast the same treatment, enjoying the way she moaned and she shifted beneath him, her lip between her teeth. When he finished, he kissed down over her belly, shifting back on the bed before moving down to her legs. Her shorts were a loose sort of thing usually worn to bed, the fabric thin and flimsy. Curiously, he placed a hand against her center, swearing under his breath when he found the fabric was already damp. She blushed at this, trying to hide a smile. He willed himself to have patience then, despite his urge to rip the shorts off and see how long it would take her to lose it with his tongue inside her.

Instead, he kissed down her legs, leaving marks behind because he knew when she worked no one would see them. Her thighs got the most attention, nips, bites and hickeys littering the pale skin. She enjoyed it, wanting something to remind her of him and what they’d done after this was over. No one would see it, but it would remind her that he was the one who wanted her. 

Finally, when he deemed to have teased her long enough, he slid off the last bit of her clothes, leaving her as he had seen her the day before. And was it a sight to behold. He certainly wasn’t a man of god, far from, but he felt as though he would have no qualms about getting on his knees to worship her. It had been a long time since anyone had taken his breath away and she had done that several times in just the time since he’d come to her apartment. She squirmed a little at the way he was looking at her, paused over her body. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Frank let out a soft chuckle, like he couldn’t believe she was actually asking him such a silly question. “I’m just admiring you, that’s all. I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that I get to do this. That you didn’t choose somebody else.” 

“I don’t want anybody else.” Karen said that with the utmost certainty. “Like I said, it’s always you.”

He bit his lip briefly before he gave a nod, “It’s always you for me too.” That earned him a smile. 

He got down to business then, laying himself out between her legs. Her breathing got shaky as his breath washed over her folds, goosebumps rising on her skin. He was just as eager as she was, having thought of this often, both after yesterday and before that as well. First, he brushed his thumb over her, wanting to test her reaction. Even a slight touch had her toes curling and she struggled not to make too much noise. Not wanting to tease her any longer, he latched onto her without hesitation, stroking his tongue over her most intimate places. She immediately cried out, her hips jerking up. He placed a hand on her belly, using just enough strength to keep her in place. Her clit was already swollen and she was slick in every place and he would’ve been lying if he said he didn’t enjoy that, didn’t like knowing he had that impact on her. 

Now, he knew that the stories of women tasting like fruit or sweets weren’t really true, but that didn’t mean he disliked how she tasted either. He liked it because it was her, because it was unique and like nothing he’d ever had on his tongue. Above him, Karen’s eyes had slipped shut and her lips were parted softly, one hand firmly gripping the sheets while the other came to comb through his hair, tugging when things felt particularly good. The sounds she made were enough to have him aching, every moan and whimper better than he could have ever imagined. He also rather enjoyed when she swore or called out his name, the latter sounding like some sort of prayer. 

He kept his mouth working over clit but used his free hand to slip a finger inside her. The noise she made was utterly obscene and he had to shift, his own arousal making it difficult to lay comfortably. One finger quickly became two which turned into three. He was hazy with the idea of getting to feel her for real, that they were just getting started and he was going to be able to be inside her properly. But right now, he wanted to see her fall apart and like he could tell the first time, he could tell now that she was close. She also told him as much. 

“Frank - I - fuck…” Her chest heaved and the hand that was gripping the bed moved to touch a breast. “I’m going to - Oh god I’m so close - fuck!” The hand in his hair pulled but he didn’t mind, holding her in place as her whole body shuddered and she moaned loudly, his name falling from her lips over and over. He didn’t stop what he was doing until she had calmed and started to whine, overstimulated. He pulled back then, licking his fingers clean before wiping slick from his face with the back of his hand. While he waited for Karen to come back to him, he placed kisses wherever he could reach, his touch always like he was handling something precious, because in his mind, he was. 

After a minute or two, her eyes fluttered open and she smiled upon seeing him. “That was…” she chuckled softly, “much better than I ever dreamt of.” 

The corner of Frank’s mouth turned up, happy that she was happy. He leaned over her, unable to resist kissing her when she smiled like that. She had other plans however. 

Her hands went to his belt, making quick work of it before pushing down his jeans. He pulled back just in time to let out a groan when she grabbed a handful of him through his boxers. 

“What did you do after you saw me?” Karen asked breathlessly. She let go long enough for him to slip out of the pants before touching again, squeezing and massaging and generally making Frank forget how to speak properly. 

“I - I…” 

“Did it make you excited? Like this?” She asked, giving his balls a squeeze. 

He nodded quickly, “I couldn’t think, all I could think about was you.” 

She licked her lips, “Did you think of me when you were getting off?” Leave it to Karen to be straight to the point. 

He ducked down for another kiss. “Yes. I don’t..it’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this. I didn’t think...I haven’t been able to do that since everything happened. It wasn’t like I didn’t dream about it or want it...want you...but it was like I just couldn’t.” He looked away, hating how pathetic that made him sound. 

Karen reached up to stroke a hand through his hair and over his cheek. “You don’t need to feel bad about that. I’m sure you are not the only one to have that problem. You went through some shit, Frank. It makes sense that that would happen.” She let their foreheads rest together so he was forced to look at her. “I’m almost glad then that you came over and saw what you did. You deserve to feel good. I’m glad I brought that out. Did you…?”

Frank let out a laugh, a breathless sound. “Twice. Once when I got home and then the next morning too.” 

She chuckled, “Wish I could’ve been there to see it. Anytime you want help like that, I am more than willing to help.” 

He found that amusing, but also kind of endearing in a way. It was still hard for him to realize she really wanted him, even though he wanted her back. He had lived a good portion of his life thinking he’d never be with anybody else again because the person he was meant for was gone. All of this felt like trying to regain a forgotten memory. It was there, but the exact recall was a little fuzzy around the edges. 

Karen brought him back to the present, her hand dipping into his boxers. He bit back a moan, the softness of her hand feeling utterly perfect against his hot skin. Her thumb stroked against the slit, gathering up the moisture and spreading it over the head. Her lips kissed along his jaw as she began to stroke the shaft. “I don’t know about you,” She murmured in his ear, “but I don’t think I can wait anymore. I need you, Frank.” 

Frank turned his head and kissed her, shoving down his boxers and tossing them aside. She swore under her breath when she caught sight of him. He raised an eyebrow and she blushed. “You’re just...my imagination didn’t do you any sort of justice.” 

“Oh.” He’d never paid much attention to how he compared to anyone else but it was kind of nice that she was pleased with the way he was. It was then that something occurred to him. 

“Do you have…? I-I don’t have - I didn’t bring -“

“Hey,” She squeezed his arm, “I haven’t missed a pill in years. And I wanna feel you, all of you.” 

Frank wasn’t about to argue. The ache he felt was still as strong as ever and he wanted her even more now, if that was possible. He spent a few moments just kissing her, his hands massaging her chest and between her legs, wanting to get her back in the mood. She responded in kind, her hands seeming to know exactly how to touch him, teasing his manhood until they were both panting with excitement. 

He settled back between her spread thighs, wrapping his arms around her to hold them together. When he finally slid inside, they both let out a gasp. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding onto him like a lifeline. He gave her a moment to breathe before he moved, watching her expression change into pleasure as they began to move together. 

First he went easy, not wanting to overwhelm her but soon enough Karen was pushing back against him, urging him to go faster, her voice like music to his ears. He settled her against the pillows, reaching to use the headboard to put more force into his thrusts. She wrapped her legs around his middle, sending him plunging deeper. He couldn’t help noticing how perfectly they seemed to fit and move together. It wasn’t long before they had fallen into their habit of speaking without words, every touch saying everything that needed to be said. Frank loved watching her face, the way it betrayed how good she was feeling. A rush of warmth filled his chest knowing he was doing that, he was giving her what she needed. He wasn’t able to give her everything she wanted or deserved in this life, but he could give her this. 

One of her hands drifted down and Frank knew what she wanted. He gripped it with one of his, giving it a squeeze. His other hand came to her hip, holding her in place. He knew he was on the right track when she squeezed his hand, her toes curling at his back. Her free hand went to her core, toying with her clit, every touch drawing a moan out of her.

Karen could barely think, her mind overwhelmed with the feeling of him everywhere, every touch just right and too much all at the same time. She managed to keep her eyes open just enough to watch Frank’s face. His expression, usually calm and impassive, betrayed what he felt and she couldn’t help wanting to see it. He’d never looked in such bliss, not that she’d ever seen. It was gratifying that she was going to get to see him when he reached his peak. 

She wasn’t sure how he knew what way to move, but one minor adjustment and it felt like the heat in her stomach had boiled over. Her moan echoed through the room and she immediately reached to cover her mouth, biting down on her knuckle to keep from alerting the whole building to what they were doing. She whined, so impossibly close to the edge. Frank knew what to do. He leaned over her, kissing her again, swallowing down her moans. He replaced her hand with his own, fingers rubbing in little circles like he’d seen her do. She was positively dripping and it only urged him to go faster. 

She went rigid beneath him and he pulled back to watch the emotion play across her face as she shuddered, the sweetest sounds escaping her lips. She clenched down around him, her legs tightening around his waist. She looked perfect, like someone painted what ecstasy was supposed to look like and it was this moment, frozen in time. As soon as she managed to get air into her lungs, she murmured his name again and again. He didn’t know it, but had to refrain herself from saying three little words, even if they were true. 

She had enough of a mind to open her eyes to as he met his own end, a deep, animalistic growl coming from his throat and she felt a shiver trail down her spine. He looked without worry for the first time since she’d met him. It was a sight she committed to memory. 

When they both came down, he carefully slipped out before hitting the pillows next to her. She wasn’t sure what was allowed, if she was allowed to be close to him. But then he turned himself toward her and she knew it was okay. She moved in close, stealing a brief kiss before settling her head against his chest. When she felt his arm wrap around her and felt a soft kiss against her hair, her whole body felt warm and not from what they’d done. The last thing Karen remembered was Frank pulling the comforter over them and turning out the bedside lamp.

* * *

 

Karen woke slowly. She had been so tired after last night that it took a moment for her to wake up properly. It was then that she realized her head was no longer on Frank’s chest and that he wasn’t pressed against her anymore. Her eyes fluttered open and she caught sight of his back as he sat on the edge of the bed, getting dressed. She hated that it felt like such a punch in the gut to see that. 

“You’re leaving, aren’t you? Even after all that.” 

He stopped, glancing back at her. “I can’t be what you need me to be. I’m not and I never will be like everybody else, like any guy you picked up at a bar. And who knows what sort of shit I could bring down on you next. You’re happy, Karen. For the first time in too long. I won’t take that away from you.” 

“That’s bullshit. I don’t care if you’re different, I like that you are. And you act like I haven’t done some pretty awful shit in my life when you know I have. And sometimes, sometimes you wanna treat me like I’m made of glass just to protect me and it’s a nice sentiment but I’m not a child, Frank. I have been through enough that I’m not scared anymore. I am going to live my life the way I wanna live it. I want you to be included in that. And not just as me as seeing you twice a month if I’m lucky and then worrying the rest of the time because you don’t talk to me.”

Frank sighed softly, pulling his shirt over his head. “And what would you have me do?”

“Stay. Stay here. Stay with me.”  _ I love you.  _

Frank was quiet before he muttered, “I don’t know.”

She sat up and moved over to him, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I don’t want to be here without you, Frank. You don’t have to stay cooped up here all the time, just…come home to me. Because as long as you’re here, this is home for me. It can be that for you too.” Her voice grew shaky toward the end but she managed not to break. 

Maybe he could give this to her. If he was here, he could keep her safe and he wouldn’t spend his nights dreaming about what it’d be like to have her in his arms. Maybe it could work. He just had to be willing to try. 

“Okay,” Frank murmured, “I’ll stay, as long as you want me.” 

Karen smiled softly and tugged him back into bed. 


End file.
